Happy Easter! As our departed (only to Florida) Father Chris would greet us at Easter Mass: "He is risen!" I had found it very interesting that I was given forty days which fell across lent of last year to prepare for the surgery. My surgical date was scheduled way out as the doctors/hospital needed to coordinate, but the timing was very apropos, as I embarked on a serious spiritual journey. The time was used to prepare physically as well, but I dove deep spiritually, and I want to thank the people that aided me whilst I yearned for answers. Obviously, Chris is an excellent sounding board, and he especially stood like a pillar thru my quest. Likewise, my inlaws prevailed, continually researching, but always listening. I want to share with you two epiphanies along my journey, 'cause as I see it, many of you (thankfully, not having a major health crisis) might not draw such conclusions. Others may, but humor me here: it's my blog!
Anyway, I got a call midway thru this preparation from my friend Michelle, who inquired about my well being. I was in a dark mood, and confided in her about being unsure about my redemptive qualities; did I have any? She assured me she could name ten off the top of her head. I almost pressed her, because in a self-critical moment, I couldn't conjure any - but it was in that moment I had epiphany #1: It wasn't about my redemptive qualities, but infact, I began to see more clearly everyone else's: being somewhat critical, I had been overlooking them. The second occurrence came from a likely source, but I was pretty proud of myself for making headway, and was not expecting any further jewels. I had gone to see our Parish Priest, the aforementioned Father Chris, seeking spiritual guidance, but expecting only a friendly exchange. I confided I was aware that I had left my idealist vision of 'saving the world' on some street corner. And he responded to the effect "Save the world, huh? Save yourself first." And it was then that I received permission to be self absorbed (he didn't say that per se, but one going into something as heavy as brain surgery must have a strong sense of self preservation), and the dichotomy of 'save yourself' did not go unobserved.
Lastly, the expectation that I would recover six to eight weeks after surgery fell neatly in my illusion that as I prepared over lent, I would heal over the 50 days till Pentecost. Not. I healed quite quickly, and without event: but I had not had my stamina until recently. So perhaps I had it wrong, and I was to be myself by pentecost of this year! Regardless, I am grateful for many things, including this last year; I am also recovered enough to let something else define me.
So how are you?
Love,
Jules